


Sara-Sue and the Pinnacle of Annoyance

by Storygirl000



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Crack, Crack that might get serious eventually, Gen, Parody, Smash Mansion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 14:10:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15932066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storygirl000/pseuds/Storygirl000
Summary: It’s a normal day at Smash Manor, until a bratty teenage girl who claims she’s working for “God” shows up, yells at Samus, and declares Marth her new boyfriend. It only goes downhill from there.





	Sara-Sue and the Pinnacle of Annoyance

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God](https://archiveofourown.org/works/647449) by [PrincessAmerica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmerica/pseuds/PrincessAmerica). 



> With apologies to PrincessAmerica.
> 
> This takes place during the fourth Smash tournament (Wii U/3DS). Any and all Ultimate characters are going to be disregarded (well, some will appear, but they won’t be Smashers).

It was a beautiful day at Smash Mansion. The sun was shining, the Chatot were chirping, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

 

Samus was outside, having gone out there straight after a match. She was still in her armor from the fight.

 

Looking up, she took notice of... _something_ streaking through the sky. Whatever it was, it was rather bright, almost like a shooting star.

 

Then it changed trajectory and headed straight towards the manor.

 

Samus immediately charged her cannon, planning on keeping the object from doing any damage.

 

But before she could shoot, the object stopped in mid-air–right before dropping down, landing a few feet in front of Samus and causing a minor explosion.

 

"What the hell?" she muttered, cautiously walking towards the crater, arm cannon still ready to fire.

 

When she got to the edge of the crater, she looked inside, wondering what she would find in there.

 

She didn't know what she was expecting to find, but she certainly didn't expect to find a young girl.

 

The girl was about thirteen, with back-length blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore a black headband, a red t-shirt with "I Hate Libruls" written on it in white, a black miniskirt, and red high heels.

 

Samus was slightly unnerved by how this girl was staring at her. And maybe how she had survived.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, the girl stood up and started walking towards Samus.

 

"Um...hello?" Samus said, not sure what the girl wanted.

 

Then the girl started making out with her helmet.

 

"HEY!" Samus yelled, pushing the girl away and pulling her helmet off. "What the hell are you doing?!"

 

The girl stared at Samus for a few seconds, a look of pure terror forming on her face.

 

Then she started screaming.

 

"EEEEEEEEEEEE! Why'd you trick me?!"

 

Samus was baffled. "What?"

 

"NO! You're gonna rape me and turn me into a lesbian!!!"

 

"I'm sorry, _what?!_ "

 

"Someone HEEELP!!!"

 

Then the girl started taking off her shirt. For some reason.

 

Samus was at a loss for words.

 

Suddenly, the mansion doors flew open, and out came Marth, Link, and Ike. "Samus, we heard an explosion!" Marth yelled. "Is everything–what the?"

 

The three boys stopped and stared at the girl (who had moved on to her skirt) and Samus.

 

Finally, Link spoke up. "Um, Samus? What's–"

 

"I have just as much of an idea as you," Samus responded. The girl was now bragging about how expensive her shoes were.

 

Then she saw the boys.

 

"OMG!!!" she squealed, pushing past Samus and tackle-hugging Marth. "You've come to save me from being raped by that evil lesbian!!!"

 

"Um..." Marth said, not really sure what was happening. Link and Ike slowly backed away.

 

"Oops, I should introduce myself," the girl giggled. "After all, a boy has to know a girl's name before they start dating!"

 

"I'm married!" Marth yelped. "Why does no one seem to remember that?"

 

"My name is Sara," the girl said, ignoring that statement, "and I was sent here by God to rid the world of evil gay liberal atheists! Now come on!" She ran into the mansion, dragging Marth along by his hand. Link and Ike, fearing for their friend's sanity, quickly followed.

 

Samus stared at them as they ran off, her brain finally catching up to what had happened.

 

She heard a fluttering noise and turned around, seeing Dark Pit land behind her. "I heard the explosion. What happened?" he asked.

 

Samus thought for a second, then shook her head.

 

"I...honestly have no idea."


End file.
